The Vargas Brothers
by demijayy
Summary: Feliciano and Lovino are having a casual brotherly talk about girls and relationships. Rated teen for some minor crude language.


"Why do you keep doing this to yourself?" Feliciano drawled, while leaning on the kitchen counter.

"What do you mean?" Lovino asked grudgingly, although he knew the answer already.

"You know what I'm talking about Lovi," his brother sighed, reading his thoughts. "Look, I'm probably one of the biggest players in the world. I've played 'the game,' as they say, many times. So listen to me when I say, she's just stringing you along," Feliciano went on.

"But- but what if she _does_ want more than just... sex?" Lovino whined. "I think she's the one Feli."

"Oh please, don't give me that bullshi-"

"It's not bullshit Feliciano. I'm in love with her."

"How do you know that? How many real conversations have you actually had? And no, I'm not talking about those few and far between words you exchange when you're horizontal," the younger brunette scoffed at his own joke.

"Well... she talked to me in the lecture hall the other day."

"What'd she say?"

"She asked me if she could copy my assignment because she lost hers and-"

"Again Lovino, she's using you. Playing you like a piano, my poor naïve brother."

"No, I think she'll come around. She has to. I think I'll ask her to get serious tonight-"

"Bad idea," Feliciano cut in and stretched out his arms in front of him nonchalantly. "If she's using you like I think she is, then bringing up that you want 'to get serious' is just going to scare her off. You'll never see that nice rack again."

"Honestly Feli that's so rude. Can you not talk about Bella that way?"

"I'm just stating the facts. They're pretty nice tits. And she obviously just wants the physical and nothing more," Feli sighed with boredom and checked his cell phone. "Speaking of the physical..." he mumbled. "I have a hot date tonight, who just texted me."

"Oh God, another poor broken hearted girl in this world," Lovino rolled his eyes, and then opened the fridge to scan the contents.

"Who said it was a girl?" Feli raised an eyebrow and smirked.

"Ugh, Feliciano that is disgusting. I don't want to hear about your faggot flings."

"Hey now, he's really attractive-"

"Still don't want to hear about it."

"He's got really nice blue eyes."

"Feliciano."

"And really nice arms."

"Feliciano Mateo Vargas if you don't shut up-"

"And oh God that ass," Feliciano laughed at the bright shade of red that flushed across Lovino's cheeks. Right at that moment Lovino grabbed Feli's neck and pulled him into a headlock.

"Shut your fucking mouth Feli," Lovino tried to remain serious but he couldn't help but laugh while watching his brother be held in place helplessly.

"I'm gonna fuck him," Feli continued, although his voice was strained.

"Do you like pain Feli?"

"I'd say I'm a little bit of a masochist- ugh, yes," he choked out.

Lovino finally let go of Feli and tossed him aside with a chuckle as he tousled the light auburn mop of hair.

"You're an idiot. I don't know how I put up with you," he rolled his eyes with a drawn out sigh.

"Oh, _I'm_ the idiot? Where would you be if you didn't have me around? You'd sure as hell still be a virgin," he snorted.

"I would have lost it without you-"

"Wrong answer. I told you to go after Bella when you told me how she sat next to you in class, but you were too nervous to even ask to borrow a pencil. If it wasn't for me, you'd be sitting in the back corner of that classroom, watching her blonde head until the end of the semester."

Lovino frowned and looked down at the floor. "I could have gotten the courage at some point," he mumbled.

"Not likely Lovi," Feliciano chuckled with a look of pity in his eyes, as he rested an arm on his older brother's shoulder.

"Shouldn't all of this be the other way around? I, being the older brother, should be giving you guidance and teaching you about things," Lovino narrowed his eyes.

"You've taught me other things Lovi. Things I don't think you even realize you have."

Lovino stopped for a moment with a surprised raising of his eyebrows. "Really? Like what?"

"Like what your aggravation level is, and what lengths I have to go to achieve that," Feli smirked and gave a short laugh as Lovino's face fell in annoyance. "His name is Ludwig by the way, if you were wondering. That guy I'm fucking tonight, with the nice ass, his name is Ludwig."

"I don't want to know Feli now GET OUT of this kitchen. We eat food from here, I don't think we need that filth spewing from your mouth all over the counters."

"As if this is the dirtiest thing I've said or done in this kitchen," Feliciano burst into a fit of laughter as he left the room, leaving Lovino behind, horrified.


End file.
